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Tesco Value Profit Inflator

Tesco Value Profit Inflator – in store now!

Tesco Value Profit Inflator – bag label

Tesco Value Profit Inflator instructions

As if Tesco didn’t earn enough money to start with. I’d like to think that I’m not alone when I don’t even comprehend what exactly you have to do to misidentify profits to the tune of a quarter of a billion pounds but I think it’s some kind of masterclass that id-iom needs to be taking a part of. Anyway, we racked our brains to see if we could possibly imagine what kind of fantastic device you would use to achieve such extravagant imaginary profits and here is the kind of apparatus I envisaged they were using at Tesco HQ to pump those profits up like a balloon. Like it says on the packaging:

“Please remember that overinflated profits can lead to the auditors being called in. People may get sacked and your business may be at risk”

You have been warned. Please use responsibly.

Cheers

id-iom

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Flutter

Flutter

Flutter

As you can probably tell by the fact she has a kingfisher nestled on her shoulder and two lovely little hummingbirds racing to taste the nectar of the blossoming lily she’s leaning in to sniff this lady is at one with nature. She has communed with her environment and found that she is now so in tune with her biorhythms and the natural cycle of life that she can talk with the animals just like Dr Doolittle. I’m only joking. She took some pretty strong acid about an hour ago and now thinks exclusively in smells and colours and can, as far as she’s concerned, converse with the imaginary birds and flowers that are crowding round her. Also, she thinks she’s leaning in to sniff the flower like Michael Jackson with his anti-gravity lean in the Smooth Criminal video.  That’s just how muddled she is. I guess the moral of the story is that things aren’t always what they seem. Or something like that.

She’s was made using the magic of acrylic paint, paint pen, stickers and charcoal on a large (A1 size) bit of coloured paper. She will surely look magnificent when framed up. If you’re interested drop us a line…

Cheers

id-iom

Title: Flutter
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, stickers and charcoal
Size: A1

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I adore 34!

I adore 34!

I adore 34! What a statement. What kind of person would make such an outrageous statement. Well, the way I see it there are two ways of looking at it:

One: The lady in the piece is a lunatic. ‘How do you work that out?’ I hear you ask. Well, the way I see it 34 is the atomic number of Selenium and, as we all know, Selenium was named after Selene who, in Greek mythology, was the goddess of the Moon.  Lunatic derives from lunaticus meaning “of the moon” or “moonstruck”. So, there you have it. She’s a loony.

Or

Two: The lady in the piece is a porn addict. ‘By what tortured route have you arrived at that conclusion?’ I hear you gasp in amazement. I’m glad you asked as this one is actually a bit more straight forward. The fact that you are undoubtedly reading this on the internet means that you will probably be aware of rule #34 of the internet. Which, for those of you less adventurous types out there is, “If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions”. So, therefore, this lady is a bona fide porn addict who loves it in all it’s kaleidoscopic forms. Well somebody has to.

This little beauty is A2 in size and features some snazzy gold leaf amongst other less exciting materials. It’s available for sale for anybody who’d be interested.  Just drop us a line…

Cheers

id-iom

Title: I adore 34
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, gold leaf, silver leaf, photocopied documents, spraypaint and charcoal
Size: A2

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Start ’em young

In my experience it’s good to start them young. Hopefully this young whippersnapper will grow up to have some amazing can control if he’s starting out this young. The image is based on a photo I found on my phone of a friend’s kid looking longingly at the can of paint that I’d put on the table just within his grasp. The next shot I’ve got shows him playing with it (and don’t worry it didn’t actually have a cap on. I have added that for dramatic effect which I’m allowed to do as it’s my picture) but this is the one I like when he’s got that look of concentration like he’s working out what to do next…

Cheers

id-iom

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In life, as in art…

In life, as in art...

In life, as in art…

The phrase ‘In life, as in art, the beautiful moves in curves’ was coined by Edward Bulwer-Lytton who was a popular Victorian novelist, poet, playwright and politician. Apparently he also coined the phrases “the great unwashed”, “pursuit of the almighty dollar”, “the pen is mightier than the sword”, “dweller on the threshold” as well as the infamous opening line “It was a dark and stormy night”. The man deserves some props for such wordsmithery. Anyway if we fast forward about 150 years we find Sir Mix-A-Lot’s seminal hit ‘Baby got back’ which has the immortal opening line ‘I love big butts and I cannot lie’. Personally I think Mr Lot was merely expanding on Bulwer-Lytton’s line of thinking in his 1992 paean of decency and good taste but I have little to prove this theory. Apart from this picture. Which I think is compelling enough. Case closed.

This piece is another of our upcycled pieces and was, I think, originally a print of the Mona Lisa but when I found it it had some kind of pink wash on it and a hastily drawn stick figure face. Given my proclivity for wombling this was clearly not something that I could overlook and just leave lying forlornly in the street so I scooped her and took her home for some much need care and attention at the id-iom art hospital.

Cheers

id-iom

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What does the fox say?

What does the fox say?

What does the fox say?

Well? What does the fox say? According to the viral hit song by Ylvis they make all kinds of nonsensical sounds and I don’t think that’s entirely fair. Take this fox for instance. He’s living in central London with his girlfriend, has a decent job, is erudite and urbane in all he does and actually has a pretty broad lexicon. He has no trouble expressing his thoughts clearly and with good diction. He can even do a pretty convincing Jamaican accent when he has to. Admittedly though here you’ve caught him just about to indulge in one of his favourite pastimes which is, perhaps, not quite so respectable. When darkness falls there’s nothing he likes to do more than ‘skipping’ or, as the Americans like to call it, ‘dumpster diving’. He’ll tear your bin bags to pieces just for the fun of it. And then perhaps compose a short poem about it afterwards. As is the life of the fox…

Anyway, the fox is a first attempt at doing my own cutouts using a jigsaw and I’m pleased to say I still have all my fingers. He’s been cut out of some MDF and comes complete with glowing LED eyes that just make him look badass come dusk. Until tragedy strikes cutouts are my new favourite thing…

Cheers

id-iom

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Down boy!

Down boy!

I was reading something about the artist Jeff Koons and the fact that his piece ‘Balloon dog (orange)’ sold for a world record auction price for a piece of work by a living artist in November 2013. It sold for a staggering $58.4 million. Art critics are apparently divided over whether he’s due to be historically important or whether his works are crass and kitsch and are the product of cynical self-marketing.

Personally I love shiny stuff and I also love things that are comically out of proportion so the massive shiny metal balloon dogs are something that really appeal to me. Although whether I’d pay the best part of $60 million for one (even if I had it) remains to be seen. Anyway, all that may seem beside the point but now here’s the segue back to today’s piece. I recently had a very strange dream which I think was influenced by the article on Koons that I had read. It made little sense – as dreams are wont to do but one residing image I had of that dream is pretty much what you see before you. A man staring quizzically at the large and shiny Koons balloon dog that he has on a piece of string. I’d like to think it some kind of sub-conscious commentary on art as a commodity but I’m pretty sure I’m far too shallow for that. So there you have it. Take from that what you will…

Oh, and it’s all done on some fancy handmade rag paper which is slightly more absorbent that I thought it would be but I guess you live and learn.

Cheers

id-iom

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Punch Drunk

Punch Drunk

Punch Drunk

If you’ve ever seen The Wizard of Oz (and let’s face it, everybody has) you’ll surely remember the cowardly lion pretending he’s tough and raising his fists whilst challenging scarecrow and the tin man to ‘Put ’em up, Put ’em up!’ Well, it would appear this guy has the same problem apart from the fact he’s usually incredibly drunk and an all round nuisance. He’s even swaggering around wearing a crown. Of all the cheek. Someone ought to teach him a lesson…

Cheers

id-iom

Title: Punch Drunk
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, watercolour and charcoal
Size: A2

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He who seems most kingly is king

He who seems most kingly is king

He who seems most kingly is king

So taking a look at these two who do you think is most kingly? I can’t tell myself as I think they both look as shady as each other and I’m pretty sure that’s not what you should be seeing in a king. That said I think the fella on the right just pips the other to the post but who am I to say. Now if we think about the UK we could say that William is most kingly but surely if Harry was king things would be a little more interesting to say the least, but, do you want that is the question. So when all is said and done I’m probably going to stick with Thomas Hardy who is responsible for the quote and stick with William. In fact does it not go to Charles first? Oh bugger!!

Cheers

id-iom

Title: He who seems most kingly is king
Materials: Paint pen, acrylic, biro, gold leaf and charcoal
Size: A2

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To drink from your lips…

To drink from your lips…

Now if there is one thing I love it’s a good bit of wombling. You know; making good use of the things that we find, things that the everyday folk leave behind. Anyway, there i was heading to the pub one evening when I chance upon this piece of wood. I’m still unsure of it’s previous purpose in life but it now has a higher calling. It sat in the hall of my house for about 3 months before inspiration struck and I had an actual plan for dealing with it. After walking past it everyday an idea had percolated into my head. I came up with the idea of a couple kissing, now I’m not entirely sure where the idea came from but that’s the muse for you.

So far so good. But then ‘Iceberg! Dead ahead!’ The trouble lay with the fact that the piece of wood was incredibly uneven and paint just didn’t look good on it so, for a short while, it was back to the drawing board until a solution jumped out at me. That solution came in the form of some polyfilla from the pound shop, which just seemed perfect for my plans.

After applying two tubs of the stuff and sanding it down it was ready for the final touches which consisted of a little painting here a touch up of polyfilla there and voilà. There still seemed to be something missing though, which I rectified with some words around the edge of the piece saying:

“Finally I will drink life from your lips
and wake up from this ever lasting sleep”

The only problem now is what to do with it as its now quite heavy and pretty fragile. Hmmmmm? Choices!!! It may well have to end up on the street if I can think of somewhere suitable unless someone wants to give it a better home somewhere…

Cheers

id-iom

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